I just don’t think that’s an analogous situation… what you described with the hair would be like if your wife suddenly said “hey, you need to get your tattoos removed by laser ( i made you an appointment), and then we’re going to get flowers over your whole body because I like that.”
A better analogy with the hair would be that, every once in a while, when she visits them, your in-laws ask her to put her hair in a ponytail, because their grandma is dying and they’re afraid the long hair will be unsanitary if it’s not pulled back. Perhaps an unfounded fear, but does it really matter?
differences:
-it’s not your wife having the problem, it’s the in-laws.
-nobody is asking you to remove permanently what you have done.
-complying with the request will only be on occasion, not permanent, and will require nothing more than wearing a shirt.
and i get where you’re coming from with how their family is dysfunctional. the point is, it isn’t your place to march in and fix their family. it’s their own problem. when you cover your tattoo in front of grandma, you know that you’re not doing it because YOU’RE afraid of her, or because you care what grandma will think about you, but only because there are some family issues that you don’t really have any business stirring up or butting into. and, I’d say, if she tries to boss you around like the rest of the family, show them a good example by calmly refusing to let that happen… but don’t approach her looking for trouble.
PS – i’m not trying to ignore you on AIM, i just haven’t been around my computer when you’ve been online…
Here’s my question(s) with that last comment about calmly refusing to let Grandma boss me around like she does the rest of the family…(and I would love to hear suggestions from all of you)
How do I manage to successfully do that in a way where…
1) I don’t end up coming across to Grandma and the rest of the family as a young little, disrespectful, unwilling-to-accomodate-her-every-wish, snot-nosed punk
and…
2) I am actually classy and tactful enough that it maybe even inspires my wife’s mom or her dad (“Grandma” is his mom) or my wife to say to themselves “Wow! Ya’ know, I normally wouldn’t stand up to Grandma on ANY matter and wouldn’t even dare to think about rocking the boat with Grandma, but I have to admit…the way he just did it was classy enough that I would like to try that sometime!” (Even though the goal here isn’t really to instill guts into my wife’s family/get them to grow some balls….although, wouldn’t it be nice if I could find a way to teach them to acquire that type of courage?)
And also, I’m sure you weren’t referring to the “Don’t let Grandma boss you around” in regard to the tattoos….so what types of scenarios would be fair game for not letting Grandma push me around on?
Let’s say you’re a grown, 28 year old woman who has always had a head of beautiful long blonde hair. You’ve always gotten it cut and maintained it the way that you have wanted to and no one has ever said a thing about it, because there has never been a problem with it. Then, one day, you start dating a really great guy and things are going well for the first months. Then, one day, after having dated for about 4 months, he tells you “Ya’ know, ya’ really need to do something interesting with that hair. I don’t know if I like it that way. I think you should cut it short so it’s shoulder-length and not down to the middle of your back. And on top of that, I want you to dye it jet black. And I’ll even go grab the phone and make an appointmentl to the salon for you right now”. The guy has no reason for this request. There’s not a thing wrong with your hair. He’s just simply decided that he doesn’t like it and wants you to change the look of it to what he would personally like to see it look like.
My questions:
1. Why on Earth should you have to change your hair-style, this beautiful hair that you’ve had for years, just because he wants you to?
2. Furthermore, what right does he have to go pick up that phone and schedule the appointment for you?
My answers:
1. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO. PLAIN AND SIMPLE, I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE TELLS YOU….YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO! 5 months before, he didn’t even KNOW YOU. He had never met you in his life. So, why does dating him for the last 4 months give him THAT kind of influence in your life? Kind of the same thing with Grandma. My tattoos have been in my life since 2003. Grandma just entered my life in 2006. I’m sorry, but even going from the ol’ factory worker-type mindset of “Seniority gives you the advantage”, Grandma still loses out, because those tattoos were in my life long before she even was.
2. NONE AT ALL! NOT A SINGLE, SOLITARY BIT! POINT BLANK, IT IS NOT HIS PLACE TO GO DOING THAT! And by complying with him doing that, that’s not “being an adult and showing respect for someone else’s suggestions and ideas”…that’s letting someone control an aspect of your life!
I’m interested to see what your thoughts are, peachiepoo.
Okay…here we go. When I met my fiancee 4 years ago my hair actually was blonde. About 6 months into dating he told me that he “really wasn’t into the blonde hair” and asked me (the operative word there is asked) to change it. He ASKED me if I would dye it a dark shade of brown. I thought about it and came to the conlusion that it really wasn’t that big of a deal to dye my hair…and I did. ANd it’s dark brown to this day AND I LOVE IT!!
This anaolgy has nothing to do with your issue. No one is asking you to have the tattoos removed…or cut your arms off…or get a tummy tuck. They are ASKING, not DEMANDING (yes they are two different things), that you simply cover your tattoos around Grandma. And once again, I agree with your wife and in-laws. So what if they let her control THEIR LIVES…that has nothing to do with you…that’s their choice.
It really comes down to this…life and love are FULL of comprommises. In neither life or love will you get your own way all the time. It truly isn’t like that. Horrible things will happen and you have no control over it…and you’ll just have to deal with it. I walking proof of that…and so is my fiancee. I have fibromyalgia and there are many days where I can’t even get out of bed and I hurt so bad that all I can do it cry. Do I want this? ABSOLUTELY NOT. My fiancee works 16 hour days…because I can’t work. Does he WANT to? No. He does it for me because he loves and respcts me.
Sherav is proof…he went against his beliefs and Holy pact because he loves and repsects his wife and demands respect for her.
KnightHawk is proof of this…he sat in a tattoo shop listening to his sister orgasm because he loves his sister and wanted to ensure her safety…did he want to hear that? I gonna say NO.
So answer me this…do you really love your wife? I mean truly love her? Or did you marry her because it was a familiar situation and comfortable to you?
Wait, there has to be a point to my stories!?! 😮
The dude was talking about how hardcore he was for his navel tattoo, and I was like “my ninetey pound sister got one like 20X bigger in that area, and got her twat all inked up. Beat that!”.
And, yeah, I’m only 25. Does that surprise you? I got married at 21–it ages you, especially when your wife makes your promise not to drink, smoke, toke up, drop acid, or fight anymore as a condition of the marriage. I’ve broken the first two and the last one a few times, but I do my best to be a responsible adult for her. She needs a man who’ll respect her insane Christian family, go to work, pay the bills, and build a future for us.
I threw most of that in for the ‘dude’s sake. Speaking of which, I didn’t bother reading his most recent posts because I can tell you what they said without reading them:
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU TATTOOED FREAKS DIDN’T TELL ME WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! YOU SUCK! WHAAAAAA!!”
Love. Peace. Metallica.
No honey…I meant I was trying to figure out the point of getting a spider tattooed on one’s hoo-hoo…not the point of you telling the story…I got that point loud and clear.
I know marriage ages you…I too was married early (at 20) but it didn’t last…I was divorced by 25. I was kinda surprised by your (I know I’m gonna regret saying this) mature ideas.
And I only read his post to me…and it makes NO F*CKING SENSE AT ALL…
Really…I think he should take his ball and bat and just go home since the other kids aren’t playing the game he wants to play…isnt’ that how the playground works???
Oh and I just read your last line. No, you should not get them removed. In your own words, this was one SUGGESTION. Do you do everything somebody suggests? No. You be an adult, and decline. That is a totally different issue to your wife asking you to wear your sleeves down around your Grandma. This – yes, you should be an ADULT about it, and have some respect.
And I’ll just add – this still does match your analogy. Unless your WIFE booked you an appointment to get your tattoos removed. Did she? No.
What are you hoping to achieve by this? You asked for ‘advice’, well you got it. Sorry it wasn’t what you wanted to hear but life isn’t like that. You can’t walk through life like a spoiled little child getting your own way all the time. If you’re waiting for someone to justify this – then okay, wear short sleeves in front of your Grandma. There you go. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you going to go and do that now? Somehow I think you don’t have the balls for it, otherwise you wouldn’t have needed strangers to tell you it’s okay. This thread is getting absolutely nowhere. If it’s so important to you, just do it. I think it’s safe to say that none of us here give a shit either way. We just think you should have a little more respect for your wife and her family. But you don’t, that’s fine, so go right ahead, and enjoy the shit that’ll come out of it.
Azure…Man…I love ya! I laughed so hard while reading this…and you completely nailed this “dude”. I especially like “okay then, wear short sleeves in front of your Grandma, there ya go.” Hilarious. It’s posts like this that make this thread entertaining…
Hi Tat2d
I hope you are still with the thread – and no I am not going to rag on you about your choices.
I read your bit where you were shocked that we didn’t go for the ‘fuck grandma’ approach. I can understand that to some degree but because I care about what I post I will post up how best to show your ink.
The issue that qualifies me to do this is that I come from an unbroken chain of 4000 years of ink hating jewish prejudice. It is also very matriarchial so the women tend to rule the house with an iron fist.
So when I delcared my tattoos there was hate, tears, upset, recrimination and some broken hearts – they got over it because I followed a few rules;
Rule one – Let your partner know. It is an absolute that you explain why you have to do it. This may cause distress but shows an honesty and respect which is missing if you march in and do it.
Rule two – Timing is everything funerals, b’days, holidays are not good times. You need it so it is as ‘normal’ a time as you are going to get.
Rule three – Let the person(s) know that you have something important to tell them and that it cannot be done over the telephone. Just say it is nothing sinister but out of respect I need to tell you face to face.
Rule four – Never ever do it at your place! Always make the effort to do it on their domain. That way if you have to leave – you don’t embarrass them by making them walk out of your yard.
Rule five – Never by photo – this is worse than sneaking up on them and saying give us a BJ. You sit them down and
Say I respect you as the head of the family and understand that you do not approve of tattoos. However in order to be truthful to you and myself I do have them. I just wanted you to know that.’ ‘This is so it is not a shock to you, and does not change the person I am or was.’
Then if you feel right show them the ink on your arm or whatever.
Rule six – Never raise your voice if they go hysterical, throw you out, tell you to fuck off whatever – let them do it calmly leave and say that you will talk again when things have sunk in.
By doing that you should be able to do it whilst still keeping a marriage.
Take Care
Matthew
Wasn’t Sherav’s answer enough for you? Seriously, how much do you want? This is a tattoo forum, not a counselling forum. Why do you think people pay for therapists? You’re lucky one person has enough patience to be kind to you and help you with what you’re asking. Get a grip!!! If Sherav’s answer wasn’t to your liking then jesus what DO you want to hear? I really, honestly and truly have new found respect for your wife. How long did you say you’d been married? She must be quite a woman.
heh heh….
You said hoo-hoo.
Honestly, I never questioned the cootchy spider, Peach. On the other hand, the one she’s getting when she comes back from Wisconsin is weirding me out. It’s a huge back piece continuing her spider/spider web/thorned vine motif that runs through all her tattoos, with the central image being a, to quote her, “a satanic Georgia O’Keeffe twat flower”.
Honestly, compared to her, I’m conservative and clean mouthed. Either way, big brother’s gonna have to drive her again.
And Azure…seriously dude girl, I’d advise just letting this go. If it was apparent before, his reaction to Matthew’s post pretty much nails it–he ain’t worth our time. Even if I did go back and read his posts I skipped, I’m mostly back here because you and Peach are entertaining.
Love. Peace. Metallica.
I’m mostly back here because you and Peach are entertaining.
Love. Peace. Metallica.
I’m entertaining? *dance the Snoopy happy dance*
and yes..hoo-hoo…pooter…poonaaner…poonannie…bijou…I’m full of euphanisms for jenittalia (i know that is genitalia…the other just looks nicer)
:p
And I am guessing that one person was me…but dude…shit….you need to listen to what these people are saying here. There has been some great advice and you aren’t listening to what ANYONE is saying…what DO you want to hear??? I have just finished reading the thread, and I don’t know what other advice you could possibly need to try and resolve the situation…it really just looks like you wanna piss everyone on the site off…congrats, looks like your mission is pretty much accomplished…I hope you figure it all out, I don’t know about everyone else, but I am pretty much done with this thread…it is exhausting….
And Azure…seriously dude girl, I’d advise just letting this go. If it was apparent before, his reaction to Matthew’s post pretty much nails it–he ain’t worth our time. Even if I did go back and read his posts I skipped, I’m mostly back here because you and Peach are entertaining.
Love. Peace. Metallica.
*Retires gracefully* 😀
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