Firstly… I’m so sorry for your loss. (((((hugs)))))

But as SallyMac said:

If the wings do not make you feel like that… but instead make you feel “trashy”, then I think that the option for you is probably laser removal. However, if you’re just terrified that people will treat you differently beacuse you got a little tattoo, then leave it be…. It’s just a little tattoo. Wear dark tights or socks and no-one can see it… chances are no-one can even see it if you wear shoes!

Hi Amanda

I read the whole thread with interest I apologise for the slow reply but will throw in my thoughts.
First of all I am sorry for your loss – indeed I feel for anybody who has lost their child.

The idea of self perception is built upon a foundation of self belief. When we work hard and study hard and ‘achieve’ we feel (quite rightly) good about ourselves.

This confidence is projected and so others will feel confident/inspired when dealing with you.

Bereavement can damage that feeling of self confidence – we react with grief, anger, pain, but sometimes with the sense of worthlessness or feeling that somehow we must punish ourselves because (irrationally) we feel at fault or could have done more.

The ink is not the root of whether you feel classy or trashy – it is an attempt to express a wound of feelings that no person should ever have to experience.

Of course this is going to make you question how ‘others’ see you because deep down you are questioning how you see yourself and projecting that.

Time will ease the pain (it never fully goes away it just becomes more bearable) so in time you will be able to look at that tattoo with eyes clear of the guilt you see it with now.

I recently got myself measured up for a backpiece and the artist asked me which warzone I had walked out of.

I asked why?

He said your whole back and front is covered with scars. I used to be concious about it all but now it is just a part of me I don’t think much about.

I told him that it is has been 10 years since I lost my family and started a new life free from the past. The tattoo is a symbol of this and will for the most part cover up my past. I want to start afresh.

The scars will be underneath so I know it will always be a part of me. But if all ppl ever see is the ink then they are missing out on seeing the whole of me.

Treat your tattoo the same way – it is a symbol of something that you are learning to live with and if others cannot understand that then fuck them.

I always say letting go of the pain is not letting go of the person.

As for the tattoo – Some bolder outline and deeper shading will make that a piece to be proud of.

Take Care
Matthew