On February 17, 2009, my art school will host a competition to see who can construct the cutest, freakiest, or most badass fucking robot of all time. The only rules is that your team of seven must work from a completely original design, and that it be no less than fifteen feet tall.
As my design for a fifteen foot, fanged Fox skeleton that vomits candy from between it’s fangs was outvoted by the overwhelming number of prissy, pink eighteen year old girls in my class, I ended up on Team Timmy, who are responsible for making Timmy, the Construction Robot.
Let’s roll this bitch.
Day 1:
We drew up the blue prints, and made plans to acquire the necessary materials. Duct tape, screws, electric wiring, and 2×4’s are easy enough to come by, as was paint. But getting enough cardboard legally was cost prohibitive. Fortunately, I know the pass code to the loading dock to the University Center, and we were able to get in, raid the cardboard dumpster, and get out before we were discovered. One girl in our group attempted to steal things other than garbage for the thrill–we talked her out of it.
The cardboard tubes only required dumpster diving at a carpet store.
What I learned: things around campus are constantly disappearing, tires, signs, steel garbage cans, ect. They reappear as art.
Day 2:
First off, me and Jacob had to construct our bad boy’s skeleton. Three 2 x 4’s, one cardboard carpet tube, and alot of cursing got it up.
Styrofoam, the old school kind that NEVER biodegrades, was added as a support structure for the construction of the back wheel and the body. Yes, my entire group is hot girls, me, and Jacob.
Jacob and I started the head.
We constructed the head from basa wood, cardboard, and a shit ton of duct tape. Yes, that is real wiring in Timmy’s head. When finished, a power cord will come out of his ass, and his eyes will light up.
While we built the head, the girls finished the back wheel and the body. Later that night, after they went home, I went back and reenforced these parts as they were falling the hell apart. At the moment, Timmy’s starting to look like something. At the edge of the pic, you can see the deranged grin I must look into every time my instructor thinks of something crazy for us to do, such as make giant flipping robots.
We add the foot, and clean up.
Have a nice night Timmy
Day 3:
Day three I didn’t attend. As the body was mostly constructed, it was paint day, and A) I suck at painting, B) I had prior engagements, and C) Jacob and I quietly agreed that since we designed the bot, bought all the materials, and did most of the work on Day 2, it was their turn.
Day 4:
Jesus. Titty. Fucking. Christ. They did a great job painting our boy. The girls are officaly redeemed and then some.
Jacob and I made a few doo-dads, painted them, finished the head and its wiring,and constructed the second arm, hand, and fingers. The head is supported wholly by the second arm. Against my initial protests, the arm was made out of 2×4’s torn down to 2×2’s. But Jacob won out because the truth is, Timmy’s balance is delicate. The extra weight of the 2×4’s would have made him fall on his face.
On the other hand, just to fuck with my day, the screws tore the 2×2’s in half. In the end, Jacob had to leave before we could try again, but not before we figured out how to make it work.
Today was Day 4.
Monday is Day 5, and the end of the process, barring any other insanity.
Tuesday is the contest. I’ll hit all ya’all back both days, first to show you Monday’s progress, and on Tuesday to show you the competition.
Love. Peace. Metallica.
Day 5:
We finished painting Timmy, glued on his name tag and joints, and added rust to the unrusted parts. We over came the problem of the 2×2 arms by putting in screws cross grained to pull the cracked wood together, dumping rivers of wood glue into the cracks, and allowing Jacob to pour such vile curses into Timmy’s ears that even I was impressed.
Still, the 2×2’s were not strong enough to support the head, so we strung four ultra-thing, ultra-strong fishing lines from his head to the bridge above. They’re so thin that even in real life they’re difficult to see when you’re looking for them.
Timmy’s ready for the showroom floor. Good thing too, Tuesday’s the contest. I’ll have more pics for you later that night, both of Timmy, Team Timmy, and our competition.
In the mean time, more shots from today.
Love. Peace. Metallica. :kh:
*The inside of Wrenchy’s chest plate
Name: Gorlliax
Power: Being the shitiest piece of shit ever shat by some little shit. Also collapsed two days after the competition, nearly killing two pedestrians.
Name: Bounder
Power: Legs actually collapse into body for storage, making it the only functional bot presented. Also smallest robot produced.
Name: Gaybot
Power: Fabulousness.
Name: U.F.B. (Unidentified Flying Bot)
Power: Flies like a mad bastard.
Name: Creeper
Power: Creeping me the hell out.
AHHH!
Name: D.A.S.H. the mobile TV bot
Power: Dash’s power is to be built by 2 of the judges, and when they could not force the others to award DASH 1st place, or even second or third, they had a 4th place invented so their robot could go to the big drunken party….God I hate DASH.
1st place:
TEAM TIMMY!!
2nd: Wrenchy the Toolbot
3rd: Huck Bot
4th: D.A.S.H. (because he’s a douche)
I dedicate this win to Jacob, who disappeared mysteriously the night before the contest….
Though, reviewing the security tapes today revealed this alarming footage…
JACOOOOOOB! NOOOO!!!
Love. Peace. Metallica.
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