Notice To Employees (Includes part-time workers).

It has come to the attention of the MANAGEMENT that far too much time off work is being taken by you the employee.

To remedy this situation please see the new terms.

Sickness

We will no longer accept a statement from your doctor as proof regarding sickness. We believe if you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to work.

Leave Of Absence For Surgery

This practice is now banned. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have. Under no circumstances should you have anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than what we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

Pregnancy

Whilst the MANAGEMENT cannot stop you from getting pregnant in your own time, we can and will stop any malingering under the guise of ‘labour pains’. That said been an understanding employer, we will allow you to go to the first aid room when the pain is FIVE MINUTES apart. IF it is a false labour you will be docked an hour’s leave without pay.

DEATH

This is an acceptable excuse, BUT we require two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to or after your death.

TRAINING

There has been some comment that we the MANAGEMENT are not committed to training. This is simply not true.

The MANAGEMENT have developed a Special High Intensity Training package (SHIT).

If you feel your are not getting enough SHIT please inform us and we will give you all the SHIT you can handle.

This policy came into force yesterday.

The MANAGEMENT.