A very young priest is very nervous about giving his first mass as his voice dries up everytime he gets nervous.
He heads to his mentor and monsignor for advice.

The monsignor says a few sips of vodka before hand will loosen the tongue, I will come along observe and feedback to you.

Well the priest does a storming sermon and everybody is on their feet cheering and clapping by the end.

The monsignor had left a note on his desk with feedback it read…

1. When I said a few sips of vodka I did not mean drink the whole bottle!

2. There are 10 commandments not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples not 10.

4. We do not refer to the cross as ‘the big T’

5. The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the cherry’.

6. Jesus Christ and his disciples are not called ‘JC and his homies’.

7. The Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit are not called ‘The Daddy, Junior, and The Ghoulie’.

8. David slew Goliath and did not ‘beat the shit out of him and then T-bagged his ass’.

9. Jacob wagered his donkey he did not ‘beat his ass’.

10. Jesus is consecrated not constipated.

11. Jesus said ‘take this and eat it, for it is my body’, not ‘Eat me!’.

12. David was struck by a stone and fell from his donkey, he was not ‘stoned off his ass’.