The telephone rings at midnight in the office of alcoholics anonymous. A drunken voice slurs ‘I Need help. I am sitting in a room surrounded by 40 bottles of wine.’
The AA man says ‘How can we help?’ ‘I thought you might put me in touch with a member who has a corkscrew they are not using anymore.’ said the man.

A serious court case is underway when a man dressed in nothing but a scarf enters the court and starts to fondle the breasts of the women present in the court before running out again. The judge is somewhat taken aback and asks the recorderto explain what has just happened. The recorder said ‘Yes your honour it has been been recorded as a muffled titter ran through the court’.

‘We all make mistakes.’ said the Dalek climbing off the dustbin (trashcan).

A drunk is pulled out of the gutter by a policeman. The policeman says ‘don’t you have any self regard look at the state of you!’ The drunk struggles to stand and says ‘What makes you so capable of judging me?’. The policeman says ‘I don’t drink’. The drunk laughs and says ‘I pity you because when you wake up in the morning that is the best you are going to feel all day.’

Matthew