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Children Writing About The Sea.
You can’t buy this stuff.
Pure Gold
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles..
(Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island .. If you
don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson . She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs.
(Emily Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to
cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would
whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off
eating beans (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny
tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is
always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and
my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write.
(Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels
can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where
I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher
age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it
makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two
can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she
was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water
shot up her f * nny. (Julie age 7)..